Resolution Pollution

   I'm not sure when it happened...Christmas I think, but I am broken. Mondays used to me be my favorite day of the week....kids going back to school, house back to myself, well never myself Sadiesaurous is never far behind, but alone enough where I am not breaking up fights and tripping over fornicating Barbies...but, since Christmas break I have become a fucking mush! I hate when they all leave now. Even when I go to work I am thinking about them all constantly...to the point I could cry at any given moment! WTF! That's not me....I adore my family, but I adore my alone time as well...but now I am this sniveling little baby all day long...longing for their return! Yuck. i need to get my groove back...my mojo. Don't know where or when I lost it, although I still blame that fucking bitch Irene. That raging bitch stormed her way right the fuck across my life and nothing has been the same since.....and now I'm a mush. I have got to find a way to get back some of my mojo at least....maybe I could go on some mass obscenity slinging spree and just randomly start telling people off for no good reason. ahh, probably wouldn't work anyway. I dunno...it's a new year and I just need to get outta this funk. So I thought maybe I should make some sort of resolution....but I hate making resolutions....does anyone ever keep theirs? Maybe I just won't call it a resolution. I had wanted to get in shape, hee hee...i typed that with a straight face....really, though, I did. I went as far as changing my regular everything bagel with veggie cream cheese to a WHOLE WHEAT bagel with low fat cream cheese! Yes sir-ree Bob, I did...but then I ate 2, kinda defeating the purpose. I bought Weight Watchers snacks, fruits and vegetables and more bottled waters. The WW snacks Caleigh took to school. the fruit and vegetables rotted and Sadiesaurous dumped most of the water bottles all over the wood floors while she was playing tea party. And, might I add...it is waaay more expensive to eat healthy, so really...eating the cheap crap food is just another selfless sacrifice I make for my family. Another resolution I attempted was to not scream or use foul language at home.....lasted til 12:43 am January 1st. At one point I decided to "resolve to make more "me" time"....but, four kids, working nights and a house to clean....the only "me" time is whilst in the bathroom, and that never ends up being "me" time anyway, once the little fuckers hear that bathroom door shut they immediately go into asshole mode and have to knock on the door, bang on the door, kick the door, press their little lips to the door and give me a play by play of whats going on on the other side of the door, they even go so far as getting on the floor and shoving papers under the door, little folded notes to me while I take a shit .."who's your favorite, circle one"! C'mon! When will they learn my favorite is the one who eventually will let me shit in peace?  Actually, I just thought of a resolution...I resolve to finally replace the see through toilet seat in the bathroom! That's a good and much needed one! And easy enough to keep, I suppose. But now I most likely just jinxed myself and set myself up for a lifetime of sliding off the clear toilet seat. Whatever! See? That's why resolutions suck! They are just a way to set yourself up for failure. If there is something you really want to change about yourself just change it, if you "resolve" to change it you are basically changing with an "out clause"....because if you say oh it was just a New Year's Resolution anyway, when you give up and resort back to old ways, people are okay and understanding about that, cuz no one keeps a resolution, and your failure is fully expected! BUT...had it been mid year and you never said it was a resolution...well then you are  just one fat lazy irresponsible inconsiderate asshole...who really, at year's end.. should think about resolving to make a resolution!