40 Days, 40 Nights...

  40 days 40 nights...approximately....40 more days and then 40 more nights...THEN.  Then....then it will be time for them to go back to school!!!! If I didn't have 4 kids in back of me right now having a contest of who will Mom lose her mind on first, I would probably have a running count of the minutes and seconds as well...but who the hell can think of ANYTHING when all I want to  do is scoop  my own brain right outta my skull with a paring knife just to make the pain stop. I love my girls...I really, REALLY do...even if it doesn't come across here...I love them..I thank God they are mine and in my life and healthy and all that jazz....But there are days....ooohhh...there are days, that I just want to walk down to the local bar and down a pint of Jack Daniels and smoke a pack of Marlboro lights as a chaser (which, it's been a year since I quit smoking...today was the hardest to get through with out a cig!) then pass out in someone's bushes.   Better yet...here's what I'm gonna do...I'm gonna start walking after kids...anyone's kids, because it really doesn't matter much to me whose child it is cuz they're all pretty much guilty of the same shit...I'm gonna pick a kid and walk around after them all day long copying every fucking word they say and in a whinny mocking voice I'm gonna say over and over and over and over and over and over  "MAAAA she's copying me, MAAAA she's copying me...MAAA she's copying me" Then when that selected child has heard all that he/she can bear I'm gonna tip everything over in it's path like The Tasmanian Devil and next I'll make sure to get under it's feet where it can't see me in hopes it trips and hits it's hip bone on the corner of the table, just so I can hear it wail...then when said child tries to get some peace and starts to color I'm gonna scribble right the fuck over his master piece and when the kid cries after all my "normal child behavior" torture I'm gonna insist he feed me...but it has to be the most bizarre meal I can think of in that moment...and I will just smear,with my hands of course, the food all over my plate to make it look like I ate but in actuality all I really did was drop it all over the chair and floor surrounding me...and maybe I'll spill my milk, make sure it runs under the heating vent so that no one can see it until it smells like ass and is covered with ants! Then I will take my sticky little fingers and go through the entire house touching every surface, especially the sliding glass doors, and leave my food stained finger prints like a weird crusty saliva shellack and I may even throw a booger on the wall...just for shits and giggles...I will leave my mark, yes I will.....and just when I think that kid is gonna explode I'll say "oh, I'm sorry...I didn't know", "but I said I was sorry"....then when I hear the kid's dad pull into the driveway...I will quick as a flash grab a book sit on the couch and put on the sweetest little smile so when "Dad" walks in and"sees" for himself how "calm" things are he can turn to the kid and gesture "What?, everything looks fine here why did you call me in a panic begging for mercy while I was at work you know I'm busy at my JOB" (yes, can be gestured with one shrug and a roll of the eye)!

....Maybe I'll do that, one day....but I guess for now...for now...I'll have to take the torture like the rest of the Moms do and I'll take comfort knowing I am not alone..... Nope, I am not alone and at the end of the day when the brats are in bed...I will go into their rooms and look at them in their angelic slumber and I will look up and Thank God for sending me these beautiful little creatures and making me a mom...cuz really, my life would suck without them.